Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
