It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
