she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
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