well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Life without a bra equals bliss.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Randomize
