Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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