I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
