Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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