well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
