New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
