If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
