the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I am one with the molecules
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
