she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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