just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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