Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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