words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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