I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Swine flu is the new snow day.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
