May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Randomize
