She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
