LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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