so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
