Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
