and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
