Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
