dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
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