he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Randomize
