Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Dicks are not precious.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Randomize
