Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
