You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
