Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
