I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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