would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
