if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
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