Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
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