glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
