I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
