I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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