My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
