8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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