His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
