Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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