Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
