i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
ok first of all what the fuck
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
