I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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