i think my mom watched the whole time
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Randomize
