She is in my trunk
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
