i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
