They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
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