Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
