why didn't you poke me back
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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