my room smells like sperm. sweet.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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