dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Randomize
