Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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