nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Randomize
